Today I was catching up with some friends and afterwards D provided me with some background information on one friend he has known for years. What I heard disturbed me, especially in light of what I have experienced in the past week.
This person had a very abusive dominant several years ago. She eventually got away from him. That, apparently, has been the end of her spoken D/s desires. Talk to her now and she will tell you she is a bottom. No problem with that, except I have this awful feeling that her desire to be of service to someone as a submissive is still there, buried under a very, very bad experience. I really don't know if she will ever be able to express it again.
This disturbs me because I do like this person and I know how deep a yearning for a particular kink can go. It also makes me think how close D came to losing his true desires as well. He got mistreated by some Dommes many years ago. They did not listen, they simply assumed things. Worse, they did not get to know him as a person and did a piss poor job of negotiating with him so they set off emotional land mines without even realizing it. He still wonders if they would have cared had they known.
Now, anything I do with someone is done only so long as it benefits the person. I am very early into doing DD with D so time will tell. However it awes me that it took him five years to rebuild the trust needed to let this side of him out. He did not simply come out to a stranger, IMHO, he came out to someone who stimulated that interest at exactly the correct time in our relationship. He would not have come out at all if he had not build all of that trust in me. If nothing else, he knows I would protect him from any stranger. He also would not have come out if he had not spent a weekend interacting with well functioning couples who do what he wants to do.
So, how many people get lost out there? It just takes one crummy Dominant or one lousy Top. What we do reaches into the deepest parts of our psyche and while the needs are strong, apparently they are fragile as well. And if the need gets buried, I think, so does an essential part of that person's soul.
Spanking Haiku
11 hours ago
1 comment:
When I was very young (20, I think) I went to my first Fetish club. Within minutes I was pounced by a much older man, with a very very strong Dom/Master aura. I didn't know anything about the scene, and over a few hours, I became hugely, inappropriately submissive. I followed him home, and he proceeded to spend the weekend demeaning and beating me. There was no previous relationship to fall back on, no actual connection. I was frightened and in pain, but I couldn't snap out of that submissive headspace and say no and leave. It wasn't cool, and it wasn't healthy, and it messed me up for a long time. I decided that my desires were sick and wrong and dangerous, and I locked them away.
Four years later I came out into the spanking scene, and it was hugely healing. I'm a bottom in my realtionship, not a submissive. Only after finding a loving partner there have I been able to venture out into the BDSM scene. With that safety net behind me I am able to do short D/s scenes with people I trust, and my partner not far away. It's deeply fulfilling and touches that part of me that I've had locked away. My relationship will never be M/s or D/s, and I don't think I'd want it to be, but I'm glad to be able to air my truly submissive side now and then.
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