My Birthday

Ok--let's see how far I get on this try...

Sunday was my birthday. Saturday I went to the Tucson BDSM dungeon to do a demo I had committed to several months ago. At first I was not thrilled at having to spend money at this particular time, but the trip proved to be well worth it.

First the spanking part :-). At SL I had purchased a "Birthday" paddle which was meant to be used on the birthday person and then subsequently signed. So I took it out at the conclusion of my demo and invited any women to give D smacks on my behalf at the following play party. I also told the group that as of Sunday I would be legally old enough to run for president.

I was quite touched by the outcome. A woman D has been wanting to play with for over a year finally got her chance to spank him. She likes the domestic aspect of spanking so much that she conscripted a few men to move one of the dungeon couches out of the voyeur area and into the play space. So D got a nice OTK spanking, paddling, and strapping by her, me, and three other ladies. During one of the SL demos I did I recieved a nice plastic paddle that turned out to be perfect for a beginning top. I handed it to a nice young lady who happily gave him several swats. She now wants to come up to Phoenix once in a while to spank D and do some other things (more on that below).

When the first lady had to take a shift in the DM chair a second one took over with canes. I think D got 2 hours of attention total and was one very happy boy. Even better, the young lady took it upon herself to get the paddle signed by everyone in the dungeon. It came back with birthday wishes and even a few well wishes for any future presidential campaign I care to run!

Now for the non-spanking part. A word of caution here--if medical play squicks you out you might want to give this second part a miss. I have crossed the line into having a hard core medical play kink in the last year (I think when you can rattle off 5 different ways to sterilize something, can define a bacterial spore and the four parts of the male urethra, and you write Santa for a stove top autoclave you meet the definition of hard core).

The demo was about male urethral sounding. I am not sure how many demos I have done in the past 4 years, but this was by far the most technical and advanced topic I have presented and required the most research. My first task was to convince folks that you can't sterilize stuff by boiling, alcohol, bleach, or baking. My second task was to convince folks that sticking toothbrush handles and other odd objects into that part of the male anatomy is Very Bad. People who have this particular kink from the bottom side seem to like it intensely and I have heard one too many stories that have made me sprout yet another grey hair.

The timing for having to prep for this demo was not the best, but otherwise the whole process was a lot of fun. I have a geeky side that grooves on the science stuff I had to research and present--so the audience got a lot of it. Dunno if it bored them--I don't think it did. This topic always generates all kinds of questions. I veered towards the conservative side (to the point of suggesting sterile gloves and showing folks the proper way to use them--thank goodness for generous nurse mentors). I think though that is the best way to go. The demo bottom was a sounding virgin (a risky thing from a demo production standpoint--more in another post). I noted that after my talk in the first half the only fear he expressed was over how it was going to feel. He loved it--fortunately his dominant has access to an autoclave and works in a tatoo shop so he is in excellent hands. I think more people will be willing to try it after witnessing him.

I then got stopped at the party by a self professed risk and germ adverse submissive who wanted me to sound him. I had to use some short ones as I had used my beginner's sound on sub #1, but he did give it a good try. It turned out not to be his thing but that is quite alright.

The best part of the party though came when I was able to meet a lady that both I and Medical Dom (mostly Medical Dom) have been courting on Collarme. Medical Dom and I have an odd arrangement. I am mildly to moderately masochistic. He is masochistic in a very narrow range. And, we are both heavy tops. So when we play sometimes it starts out with both of us brandishing our metaphorical dinner knives trying to figure out who is going to eat whom. We need a bottom badly.

So anyhow, I met the lady during the demo and D's spanking--and she was keen to try some medical play. She had already established some trust in me after watching me sound 2 sounding virgins and had also been able to play with D and watch our interactions. I watched her bottom to a well known Tucson Top and saw that she did fine, so we found the dungeon gyno table and I did some speculum play on her. It was her first time with this sort of play after years of doctor fantasies. I think it is going to be a long time before I find someone who beats her single scene orgasm record. That scene was very, very sweet. I have made another speculum convert and met a very sweet lady to boot. Hopefully we get to see her in Phoenix soon.

Not a bad birthday at all. :-)

Multiple Scene Identity Disorder--It Confuses Everyone Except Me ;-)

Now, I don't think I corner the market on being odd or having seemingly "opposite" aspects within my "scene identity". After all I just got through hosting a party with a BDSM Master who loves hunting and guns, yet also likes having painted toenails and wearing high heels whenever possible. However, I seem to have enough different facets that I confuse people. Unfortunately some folks will spend quite a bit of time attempting to get me to name one box I fit into before they realize that effort is futile.

Part of it is that I now have each foot solidly placed in two entirely different scenes. There is the spanking/domestic discipline side which I am now developing apace. While I found what appeared to be a 10-20% overlap between the spanking and BDSM scene at the Shadowlane party, I very much got the idea that the spanking scene is most definitely it's own universe with it's own identity and subculture. Much of the overlap I could describe as being born of necessity--if you don't have a spanking club in your area your next choice is the local BDSM club. D, having tasted the full spanking culture for the first time in his life, is totally hooked. He would not care if he never attended a another BDSM party if it were not for me.

Anyhow, regardless of the differences and similarities between groups of folks, I figured posting this is not a bad idea from the standpoint of letting the both my new spanko friends and my old BDSM friends get to know me better.

So identity # 1 (number one because it is priority #1) is my new identity as a "head of household," or domestic disciplinarian (whatever you want to call it). As time goes on I will research more and learn more about how this particular subculture operates. However, since I've had an attraction to it since age 4 (lol) I've already done a fair amount of research as it is. I see it as a form of domination. I impose rules and structure on D solely for the purpose of making sure he stays healthy, that the household (as small as it is) runs efficiently, and to help him become a more effective life partner. This is a far cry from D/s or M/s as I have observed it. With that, I have found, one often imposes rules that appear somewhat arbitrary, or that reflect some personal desire of the dominant. Most common, I have found, are rules concerning chastity and when one can cum. Journals are common so the Master can more effectively get into the slave's head. Protocol (kneeling, modes of address, how one dresses, how one starts the morning or ends the day with regards to serving the Master's needs, how one is supposed to present oneself when the Master comes home, etc., etc.) is almost always key. As I've said before, rather than simply being encouraged to be a better partner and a healthier, more courteous human being one is also encouraged to be an instrument of service and pleasure for the Master. One is not better than the other--they are just different modes of conducting a relationship. It is a challenge to explain and I am finding it more of a challenge to explain DD to BDSMers than it is to explain M/s to spankos. Yesterday I told a BDSMer about what D and I are doing and she stated she has a load of etiquette books at home she could loan us. Wonderful gesture--and quite unnecessary. Again, there is that emphasis on protocol that we just don't have. I am not looking for a submissive who has the Hilton Dinner Service Manual or Emily Post's writings memorized. I just have a partner who has a punishment kink and who honestly wants help sticking to a few basic rules (rules, btw, that most humans would agree are reasonable and that most humans have tough time sticking to). Disclaimer time--I realize that some DD relationships may have an emphasis on etiquette and protocol. I know this stuff does exist on a continuum.

Identity #2: BDSM sadist. When I say I have various and sundry kinks besides the ones related to spanking and discipline, I *mean* it. Go look me up on Fetlife if you don't believe me (see my blog links). I am listed under WednesdayA. I have an impressive list of Things I Do and I do them whenever I get a chance. That is an entirely different headspace for me. This is Wednesday showing up at a party and having fun. I don't give a dingo's kidney if the bottom submits to me or not. If they want to lick my shoes, swell. If they are going to lick my shoes forever I am going to get bored and start hurting them. D has expanded just a bit into BDSM masochist simply because we hang around so many S/Mers. Last night I needed to go singletail *somebody* and he was a good sport about it (though he is a good sport almost about anything one does to his behind). Anyhow, I don't go into agonizing detail about this part of my identity here because this is primarily a spanking/discipline blog. I have a million local people I can jabber at regarding my activities as a consensual sadist. I have only 3 people locally so far that I can discuss DD and spanking with.

Identity #3: Occasional masochist. This is odd. I like to bottom for the discipline stuff, but not in a discipline context. I also like some limited medical play. I list myself as a top on this blog and at spanking parties at this point because I have run into people with terminal Dom's disease once too many times. Give me a decent sadist or better yet a switch any day. They will have fun with me and not treat me like a submissive later. I *loathe* being treated like a submissive out of scene. It is the quickest way for someone to tick me off. So I tend to guard that part of my identity for a select few Tops who are clueful enough to give me what I need without reading more into it than what is there. I do it for fun, to get high on my own endorphins, and occasionally I do it as a rite of passage or for a catharsis. There are a gazillion female bottoms out there who can write far more eloquently about this than I ever will, so I probably won't post much about this either in any detail, though occasionally I might post about general Stuff I Notice from this perspective.

Identity #4: Mentor/teacher. I love presenting demos and classes. I do them about 3-4 times a year locally. If I get to mentor someone on a new skill my whole night has just been made. I also appreciate good mentors for myself when I find them and I tend to hold them in high esteem.

Identity #5: Aspiring transformative top/ spiritual seeker. This one is still nascent, still very much unformed. Right now it happens unexpectedly. I am having a good time and suddenly my bottom is sobbing. They are sobbing not because I wrapped a cane and hit their nose ;-)--rather they are sobbing because they *need* to go there. Often I have hit an unexpected reservoir of grief. Unexpressed grief is a growth block, so if I can tap it and get them to stay with the feelings awhile I know the person will grow. When this happens the goose bumps come up and I feel like I have been honored and trusted by whatever Source of Wisdom is out there to shepherd this person through this process. I think at some point just about every Top finds themselves here, whether they like it or not.

What has me scratching my head on this now is that we have a strong group of people here in Phoenix who do this *on purpose*. I learned "cathartic flogging" from this group which is part of why I am able to shepherd someone through a cathartic "meltdown" at this point. Problem is, I have not been able to break into this group and learn more. It is probably my fault. This group is extremely M/s oriented. I've been afraid they would be unwilling to mentor the likes of me because I don't do M/s. Soon I just need to test that assumption. There is no reason I can see that this sort of thing has to be reserved for BDSM Masters. Certainly it helps with slave development--but then again I was never required to produce a slave to learn cathartic flogging and it was just as effective. I don't know how many times someone who was not a slave of these folks approached one of them for a ritual or cathartic scene and had a very effective experience.

The other thing I consider though is that doing this requires some sort of spiritual development. I am not a strongly metaphysical and I have doubts I can force my brain to go that way. But, I can see that one has to be anchored into something greater than themselves to do this sort of thing. It can be God, faith in the Universe, Mindfulness, or whatever, but it needs to be something. I have an idea of how to do this and where to go--I just have not done it yet for a variety of reasons. The path I am being called to is difficult and I had a meltdown the last time I attempted it. Then again I don't know of a spiritual path that is not difficult and prone to setbacks. I think too, before I ask for a mentor some sort of practice has to be at least minimally established.

I think I got everything, for now. If I sprout another head at any point you all will be the first to know. Thanks for tuning in.

OK, so now the details....

D just got his punishment spanking for chronic and pervasive failure to communicate his true desires to me (and for spilling his guts to a stranger while leaving me out of the loop). Supernanny (I hope she does not mind me referring to her as that here) came to coach me through it. I thought we were going to go 50/50 on the session but I proved to be a quick study and my intuition kicked in almost immediately.

He is sitting gingerly now. Considering the level of the offense (quite high) I used the cane. OK, I used two canes and they sort of had to be retired afterwards. Now I need to pester my local vendor buddy for more cheap rattan canes. The whole affair was over in about 15 minutes, including corner time, mouth soaping, lecturing, and spanking. D said he did not know what hit him. We did a double check with him afterwards--yes he still wants and needs the DD dynamic. This spanking was really not a whole lot worse than some I have given him in the dungeon for play (D has a tough hide from lots of play in the 90's)--it was just a heck of a lot faster with no warm-up. The scolding and the intent of the spanking made all the difference as far as distinguishing this from playtime. That is one thing I am watching closely. I want to make sure that in the end discipline acts as a deterrent, even if he does not perceive it as entirely negative (he might have a nice afterglow tomorrow and already said he felt cared for even as I was doing it).

So, because D caused me 5 years of wailing and gnashing of teeth due to his lack of communication, I am going to make good on my threat to post his rules here. These rules are a product of knowing the man for 5 years so they are all sorely needed. Below I am posting his discipline schedule. Of course both are subject to change. With regard to the final rule--no I am not trying to be funny. He already has leather butt. He came to me with it.

D’s House Rules

1. Exercise for at least 10 minutes 4 days a week. You can either ride the stationary bike or go for a walk. Increase exercise time for a minute each week until you have reached 20 minutes.
   

2. Participate in “Chore Time” on the weekend. We will clean the house together each weekend, splitting the tasks as evenly as possible. Wednesday will assign tasks to D. Lift items properly to avoid back problems.
   

3. Learn or practice at least one skill each week. This could be a cleaning skill, a computer skill, or a cooking skill.
   

4. When between temp job assignments or out of work go job hunting 5 days a week unless prevented by illness or an appointment. Take no more than one week off between job assignments before starting to search.
   

5. When employed get health insurance from either the temp agency or a private carrier. Do it within one week of employment unless broke.
   

6. Go to bed by 11 PM on the weekdays. Go to bed by midnight on the weekends, unless we are at a function that lasts later than that.
   

7. COMMUNICATE!!! Don’t be hiding any more secret desires from Miss Wednesday—it really pisses her off and then she writes embarrassing things in her blog!
   

8. Visit the doctor without delay when problems arise. Get an annual physical.
   

9. Floss your teeth every day. Special flossers will be provided so you will not have to fight with string.
   

10. Moisturize rear every day with lotion.

D’s Discipline Schedule

1. Demerits will be added up throughout the week and noted in the Weekly Task Log. Discipline will be meted out on the weekend.

2. If there are no demerits present D may still be subject to a “maintenance spanking.”

3. Discipline will consist of spanking and CP, corner time, scolding, grounding, and mouth soaping. Any or all of these methods of discipline will be used at Wednesday's discretion.

4. Good boy spankings can be earned with good behavior.

Mt. Vesuvius Erupts...

I am feeling better, though my work shift is going to do weird things the next 3 days so I don't know how much I will be posting in that period of time.

For now though, I just need to write.

So in our last episode of "As Miss Wednesday's Lines Turns" D had just confessed his desire to have a disciplinarian in his life to both me and our new friend.

So I was much confused last night when he seemed to be wobbling on that. You see, I have been through 5 years of being strung along regarding this. I tried to start this years ago--and he would express a desire and then withdraw consent. I never could quite tell if he wanted his spankings to remain in the realm of role play or cross the line into real discipline. His mouth would say one thing and my empathic read on him would say another. I got so confused and frustrated that I gave up a year or two ago. My last hurrah came after I joined an F/ m DD site, only to have him recoil in fear when he learned what it was *really* about. I had visited that, Disciplinary Wives, tried every communication trick in the book--no soap.

So I was pleased when he finally coughed up his desire, thought we were back to square one last night--and then I came home tonight...

...And saw that he was chatting with our new friend. We are all open with each other and I knew she would not mind, so while he was hauling up the last load of groceries I took a peek. I saw that he did not run and hide when she mentioned grounding him.

WTF?? Jesus Christ on a rubber raft what was going on here??!!!

That was it. The fuse was lit and when he put the last load of groceries down I 'sploded. I don't get truly angry often at all but I certainly got there today.

Mind you, I was *not* mad at our new friend. Heck she had just gotten out of D something that has been stuck in him 57 years. I was just pissed that he could not trust *me* enough to tell me this!

So after I hollered at him I talked to our new friend and asked for some help. We all eventually came to the conclusion that sometimes it is easier to tell a stranger who seems to understand than someone close to you. I also made clear to her that I want him to get his discipline, even if I don't get to dish it out. I can't love someone this much and deny him something that close to his heart. We agreed to have her mentor me and in the future I'd love to split it up with her somehow if she is willing.

So, it looks like I have a mentor. I've been assigned the task of making out a list of rules for him to abide by. Considering all the pain and anguish he has put me through on this one I might just be puckish enough to post them here! We have a number of local disciplinarians who will be *very* interested in what I come up with. Hey, suggestions welcome folks!

Then we will go on to step 2--probably after a good spanking for lack of communication!

Stay tuned folks, for the next installment of "As Wednesday's Lines Turn"!

Wow...

Not only did she show up, she was *exactly* what D and I needed at this point in our relationship. I am only moderately spiritual--but this seemed very serendipitous and very much like the purposeful work of the Universe. We (especially me) had to get exactly to the point we were at for this to work.

D had his very first genuine disciplinary session (ie: being disciplined over real stuff which has been causing me no small amount of worry for quite some time.) She did 95% of it and I positioned myself to watch his face. D has been giving me mixed signals about wanting this for years, for a variety of reasons. I would have been too afraid to do this myself so it took her to push us to a place we needed to go.

He really did need that.

More later. I am quite rattled now (in a very good way). A few old assumptions of mine about D just took a left turn at Albuquerque...