SL Continued...

Saturday:

M, D, and I ate together before the Schoolboys In Disgrace party. We processed the scene from the night before. I did see the potential of a well placed spanking scene to clear up relationship irritations as D and I did end up having a 2 way conversation on news, our respective needs for companionship and independence, etc. I thanked M for helping out. Cafe service was extremely slow, so I ended up harrassing the waitress, getting harrassed in return, snarfing my food, then clearing out and running upstairs for the Schoolboys party.

That party was insane. We had at least 10 female tops and about 30 men coming in and out of the room. The men I got to play with were delightful and I was gratified to see that each man got at least 3 trips over the laps of his choice. It was at this point that I began to percieve the benefits of being on an exercise program vs not--especially before a party. I pooped out! The last 3 guys received my cane in a traditional style. Fortunately they were warmed up for it and I did not hear any complaints. The cane proved to be a great lazy (or just plain pooped) Top's toy as I was quite eager to give the bottoms the 30-60 seconds they needed between strokes to process the sensation. One fellow did get my ire up as he had been bratting me all weekend. This earned him an ear tug to the bedroom in the party suite and then quite a hairbrushing and caning as he continued to run his mouth. He later said this scene was a bit too disciplinary for a party (well, I had been under the assumption that very persistent brats want to be subdued) but he also asked for an even more intense private scene. Unfortunately I did not get to him before he left Vegas, so he is definitely at the top of my list for next year.

The energy and enthusiasm of this party was high enough to turn the suite into a sauna halfway through, despite the general chill in the hotel and the fact we had the A/C cranked as low as it would go. I was happy to see more switch females stepping up to help with this party this year. Being a single male spanking bottom is often the pits at weekends like this, so to be able to give everyone in attendance as much spanking as they wanted to handle was quite rewarding.

After this party I rushed off to a double bottom caning and figging scene. One bottom was a fellow I had played with before and the other was someone whom I had just met. Said male bottom had decided my topping style might be quite salutory to this particular female brat ;-).

I usually don't have such a deep or successful scene with someone I have never played with before. However, I was able to read her well, I think--as well as read from him what might work for her. She went from mouthy brat to subdued to floating around somewhere in the Pleiades Cluster in the space of an hour. The energy was absolutely yummy at the end of the scene and I ended up alternating between tapping their plugs to keep their endorphins going and simply giving them both simultaneous back massages as I drank it all in. I ended up a gooey puddle myself as I rested with them for aftercare. I wandered back to my room and fell asleep in a very happy haze.

Our next event was the "prom." I dressed in a simple little black dress and had D dress in a white shirt. I spent the better part of the first hour checking in on the folks who had bottomed to me that day. I then danced with D and then hooked him up with as many women as I could until he wore out from dancing. My Phoenix friends were there too in absolutely fabulous, albeit uncomfortable, Victorian attire. Eve leaned in close to me on one occasion and told me she had heard I had performed the "Victorian trifecta." Well, not quite. I had performed all three components but not on the same people. The rumor did persist, much to my amusement, throughout the party. I am not sure who, besides possibly my Phoenix friends, started it. ;-)

Now, for the observent among you, there are no doubt questions about what became of the Victorian Trifecta I was supposed to bottom to. It did not happen, alas. Sunday went a bit wonkers and after that I was in no fit shape for it. However, the winner of the Superbowl bet has promised to "roast me good" early next SL party so I don't think I am completely off the hook.

After the Ball I spent a brief time in a suite party waiting for the bottom of my next session. I got to say hello to the party organizers as well as many other folks. My bottom showed up at this point and we played privately. I got the feeling from her that I needed to nurture more than do anything else, so I used hands and floggers for about an hour and focussed on pushing as much gentle love and positive regard into her as I could muster. I did proceed to canes and catharsis did result. I spent the next bit of time being as present with this person as I could. There are some who give continually to others, whether those others are in the spanking community or the vanilla world. This person is definitely one of those and I was more than happy to try to give her a bit back. This scene, as well as the figging and caning scene, stood out as a favorite party moment. I got her back to her room after this and crashed for the night.

Sunday:

A group of us got together to go to a Sunday brunch at another hotel. It was a bit like herding cats for the poor organizer to get us together, but the brunch was worth it. The organizer was most generous in treating us at no small cost. The Spumoni was especially good with bits of whole candied cherries and small chocolate chips.

The feast *was* good--however the resulting fight between it and the Mexican food I had eaten the night before was not so good. No, it was not a case of food poisoning--just a case of traveler's gut and overindulgence. I was supposed to bottom to some enema play. After my bad reaction that was rendered both unnecessary and potentially painful in a bad way. The Superbowl bet was not satisfied, and the poor brunch organizer was not able to get his planned licks in either. The scene we had planned turned into a gentle paddling scene, but to his credit he was able to get me to subspace despite the fact I was still feeling out of sorts.

Note to self: bottom *early* in the party. I am *not* a natural bottom. For reasons I can't explain completely it requires more energy for me to bottom than top. I really have to work on my head space and I can't do it well if I am even a bit tired. It is fantastic when it works well, but sometimes it is like chasing a damned unicorn. *sigh*

I did try to get some sleep after this but I felt restless and emotionally a bit perturbed for no apparent reason. I was on the verge of dozing off when my cell phone rang. One of my Phoenix friends had been nursing a respiratory bug all weekend and was now in trouble. I tore down to the cafe, attracting the attention and assistance of some other SL partygoers when they saw the look on my face. There was not much I could do except recommend the person see a health professional. I tried, with no success, to get the name of a 24 hour urgent care from the front desk. My friend's Domme drove her to the nearest hospital ER and D and I went back to the cafe and morosely ate soup and worried. Soup was about the only thing we could keep down. After this I booked my room for an extra night as I had previously been planning to leave Monday. I called my friends and offered them middle of the night help if they ran into a long ER wait as well as early AM packing help if they were able to leave as planned. After this we returned to the hotel room. I watched the news voluntarily and fretted, waiting for the phone to ring. Fortunately it rang around 10PM. My friend did not have to be hospitalized and she got scripts for some good drugs. I spent a fitful night tossing around and kept checking their room in the early AM in case they needed help getting out. I finally passed out around 7:30 AM and they were on the road by the time I woke back up.

Monday:
Today turned out far better than I expected. I slept until just after noon, then rather morosely wandered down with D for coffee and a dip in the pool. I was starting to experience a nasty case of Top drop and was still worried about my friends. My interest in gambling rests somewhere between 0 and -5 depending on my mood so I was very bored. Fortunately I did find a nice group of SL stragglers at the pool. We got to talk and ultimately walked over to a restaurant across the street to eat a meal together. DJ Bob put on a hilarious act as a burned out Las Vegas tour guide as we passed by street contruction and a large fenced in pit. I negotiated with him to be spanked as he said he had some play left in him. The scene was delightful and a good post party hangover remedy. After this we reconvened to a very small gathering in Margaret Davis's room. The party pomp was over and we were ready to just sit and chat. D and others got their behinds warmed briefly, but mostly people seemed to want to talk and get to know each other better. This was definitely another favorite party moment.

SL Party Report...

We will see how far I get today:

Thursday:
The drive was nice, though I am not sure I am the long road trip sort. Last year I was able to share the duty with D and an automatic transmission rental car. My financial stars were not so well aligned this year, so I was the sole driver of my stick shift pickup. We arrived at the hotel, unloaded the truck, and promptly ate. After that I started to look for fellow party goers. I was debating with myself already whether to crash in bed or find the party. I got to reconnect with Mr. Shiny a bit after a year and also got to know our delightful room neighbors. After this D, myself, and a couple of other folks went off in search of The SL Thursday Group--or at least a group. It was at this point fatigue proved itself to be the better part of my valor. I was just not up to socializing and felt some funky energy off the group we kept running into, so I excused myself and turned in.

Friday:
I got up with D, got cleaned up, ironed my shirt, curled my hair, ate my breakfast (yes, this dry recitation of my AM routine DOES have a point), and tidied up the room. I then announced my departure. D looked at me with his innocent and genuinely puzzled blue eyes and asked why I was in such a hurry. The man was still in his tighty whities, unfed, unbathed, and watching the news. I debated whether or not to stay while he ate--quiet room breakfasts were supposed to be part of this trip. However, the rambling MSN cable health care debate was now giving me a headache and I wanted to meet some people already. So I excused myself and went to the cafe downstairs.

I ran into a couple of my Phoenix friends who had arrived after I had retired for the night. They had just ordered their breakfast. They asked where D was and without much thought I stated he was "dawdling." The breakfast came and they ate as I sipped coffee. D came down just as they were leaving and appeared genuinely shocked that they were off so soon. We sat and talked to others as the tables simply changed SL hands. I then helped a friend sort out his SL group lunch plans as the restaurant he had intended to use was not going to be open. We then had a delightful lunch with about 25 SLers. The group was growing even as I left for my first session.

It was after this I had my first scene with an LV local. This was a spanking/punishment enema scene and the energy was just as good as it was last year. This fellow does not fly--he just howls (evil giggle). Yeah, I had fun. I am not sure what attracts some bottoms to more punishing scenes (I am not that kind of bottom). However, I am certainly glad such bottoms exist.

I was pretty spent after this so I sacked out for a nap, then got ready for the Vendor's Faire with Dana. I wore an austere black outfit that apparently brought at least one fellow back to his catholic school days. From what I learned some nuns were allowed to ditch the habit in more recent years for something akin to what I wore.

It was here that the party finally caught up with D. Now, my Phoenix friends have (had) this wonderful paddle made of a Hawaiian wood. It met an unfortunate initial demise when it first met D's behind and finally gave up the ghost on the next behind it encountered. What I did not know is that C (one of my Phoenix friends) sent the paddle back to it's maker for "recycling." She recovered enough of the orginal wood to make a smaller piece--then backed it up with a slightly softer wood for greater durability. The resulting paddle has since been dubbed "Gemini." The maker looked at me innocently and told me it was a "heaven and hell" piece as one of the sides *is* made of a softer wood. After seeing it in action I decided that "hell and purgatory" is a more accurate descriptor. This puppy is not gonna break.

"M"--my other Phoenix friend--weilded it with enough of a vengeance to get to my experienced, kevlar upholstered partner and at one point brought him to his knees. Few things truly get to D--but he was rubbing his posterier like a truly chastened little boy after this encounter. Of course M and I spent the rest of the Vendors Faire reminding him that his *real* session was coming up afterwards!!

I attended the switch men vs women party afterwards without much of a thought to D's fate. That event was quite a hoot. Since the women were outnumbered 2 to 1 we got to choose our spankers when we lost a competition and use implements on the losers if we won. I was nice (hey! I can be nice!) since I did not know many of the guys there. Well, mostly nice. Sorta. I did leave the canes alone.

I went in search of D afterwards and eventually found him in our room. Now, like many male bottoms I have met, D has been in search of the elusive cathartic scene for most of his scene life. Apparently, he got it. He was in a *very* chastened place that also happened to orbit the planet Pluto.

I deconstructed it later with the top. Now, remember I had briefly mentioned D's "dawdling" earlier in the day. She used that to scold him, and as the scene progressed whaled on his already tenderized butt with canes. Apparently the "dawdling" scolding hit some deeper places within him and he was able to let go.

This definitely gave me pause. Now, I am quite able to do cathartic scenes, help people release their guilt if that is their desire, and also do punishment scenes *if asked* by the bottom. Where I fall short though is in *creating rules* and then enforcing them. It is not that I can't create rules--it is just that placing another person under *my* authority gives me the squicks. I have enough skeletons and ghosts in my closet regarding authority figures to populate an entire haunted house. Feeling evil in the real (albeit false) sense does not make for good top space.

Yet--I did see how D benefited. He is *not* the sort who is ever going to ask directly for discipline. He does need it though. I talked to M about helping me. In the long term I am not sure if I can get past this block myself, or if I am going to have to send D to someone else on occasion to give him what he needs. M, fortunately, is someone who I trust enough to go either way with.

I will say though that D did not dawdle for the rest of the trip--and I did not have to book a separate room to avoid non-stop news related headaches.

More later...

Some Random stuff from last night.

I think I find cathartic scenes even more fulfilling than punishment ones (and I *really* like punishment ones). So when it happens in the same scene I am one happy camper.

That said, until last night I never really clued into the fact that a cathartic scene really takes the tiger out of me from the top side. I know what they are like for me from the bottom--if I am planning one I try to make sure I don't have to work the next day and that my immediate next activity involves chilling and food. But it was just last night that I realized I need lots of immediate chilling and food from the top side too.

I had promised to play with D after the first scene--so after about an hour of chilling I was sorta ready. I thought it was going to be a short scene--but it turns out using a singletail for me is like playing some sort of video game after a long day. Not completely mindless--rather something that takes up the whole concentration of a small percentage of my mind while allowing the rest of my brain to take a siesta.

Rad has been saying something for awhile that has finally caught up with me as well. I get just a tad *nervous* before a punishment scene. I rely heavily on scolding and on my instinct for saying the right words to trip a switch in someone so they start to actually feel remorse. I also have been developing a skill for playing with real SAMs, so there is always that niggling worry that I might not be able to subdue them. I have to work on getting myself in a "dark" mode beforehand--so by the end of the scene I have burned off all of this built up energy quickly and I feel like an empty vessel. The challenge though, and the nerves, and that slight concern about failure just add to the appeal. I had a skydiving and rock climbing friend once who told me the exact same thing.

Now, note to self. Pack a clean pair of earplugs and the shooter's earmuffs for my next dungeon punishment or cathartic scene. Due to an ongoing comedy of errors we have the weirdest stuff in our dungeon CD player (which holds about 50 of the damned things). People burn CDs, stuff them in there unmarked, and never retrieve them. If I ever get my mitts on whomever put the "William Tell Overture" in there a few months ago.... The wrong music seriously messes with bottom space. Yeah, inteferes with scolding, though there is some appeal in lifting off one half of a muff and yelling at someone.

Play Party

The scene worked well. I won't post much about it for the sake of confidentiality, but it was a punishment scene that morphed into a cathartic scene (I worked in tandem with this person's Dominant/Master and used scolding over real issues to help trigger a catharsis that the person needed). I sometimes end up in the role of "henchman" or "beta Top" for a dominant who is not a strong sadist which is more or less what happened in this case. Given that I am not strongly into D/s or M/s I rather like the role. Someone else can deal with the rules and the service, I can deal out the discipline, and life is good for everyone.

I had another singletail scene with D. I've been practicing my "butterfly kisses" (just getting the string "brush" at the end of the knot to brush the person) and I am getting better at it. Enough repetition apparently gives a person the ability to see things they could not see before--in this case the depth of a stroke on skin in a dark dungeon. On of my mentors suggests putting out a candle in the dark with a singletail for practice--I might try that one of these days.

The begging and pleading of bottoms

So I have a scene planned tomorrow that may turn out to be a combination of punishment and catharsis.

At issue is to warm up or not to warm up. Kinda wondering if said bottom has been snooping out my blog.

My stance is that this person will get what is needed, and if warm up figures in somehow than that will happen. I have my ways of describing general patterns I see, but I also like scenes to *work* especially if the bottom really needs something in particular from it or if a combination of actions produced the desired result in the past.

But still...

What is this business of this person telling me their behind was never that tough. Or that what they can take may turn out to be pathetic?

My, my, my.

Somebody is feeling a bit...nervous?

I love scenes that start a day before I pick up an implement ;-)

Wow.

Once in a great while someone writes something so gorgeous that it makes me want to eat my keyboard.

Go read the latest post on "My Dirty Little Secret" (Jenni Mack on my blog list).

Just...wow.

A cathartic CP session

I had my first cathartic CP session with D this weekend at the conference.

It started off a bit strange. The conference is held at a large hotel. Attendance has grown so much that we have managed to take over most of the rooms. The conference parties used to be held at APEX, but last year they started to hold them in a ball room due to serious lack of space (I used to pack a set of chopsticks and not much else to play at a SWLC party).

Now, I wanted to cane D. I was all dressed up to cane D with my long black skirt and my blouse with the buttons in the back and the lace panel in the front. We were towards the head of the line waiting for the room to open so we could get a space. As it was we barely snagged the last St. Andrew's cross. As we were setting up we were informed that we were at a singletail only station.

So it was singletails or wait until 1 AM for the crowd to clear up. I had thrown my whip in my bag on a whim, so I decided it was going to be a singletail scene, costuming and prior verbal threats notwithstanding.

Now D has a love/hate relationship with singletails. Basically it is the only toy I own that completely bypasses his leather behind. Using one on him is rather like spanking a virgin derriere with a hairbrush.

So I warmed him up, then started with lighter singletail strokes and worked up to moderate ones, then checked on him. To my surprise the man was sobbing. I asked him how he was doing and he smiled through his tears, managed to look fullfilled and sore at the same time, and stated he was in a very good place.

He has been wanting this a long, long time. Now perhaps he would have chosen a more domestic implement than a singletail had this played out according to fantasy. But no matter. It was clear he wanted to cry and be in that space, so I kept at it for quite a while. Then I gave him a long, long hug as he melted into me like a little kitten. We hugged and touched all the way home and I rocked him to sleep. D has a little boy persona that comes out in a very subtle way. No coloring books or toys strewn about--just a vulnerable sweetness that makes me want to cradle him.

I am not sure I would have chosen several months of unemployment, money issues, and an overcrowded BDSM party as a means to get him to this point. But, however it happened, it was good to finally get him to a place he and I really needed to go.

My Birthday

Ok--let's see how far I get on this try...

Sunday was my birthday. Saturday I went to the Tucson BDSM dungeon to do a demo I had committed to several months ago. At first I was not thrilled at having to spend money at this particular time, but the trip proved to be well worth it.

First the spanking part :-). At SL I had purchased a "Birthday" paddle which was meant to be used on the birthday person and then subsequently signed. So I took it out at the conclusion of my demo and invited any women to give D smacks on my behalf at the following play party. I also told the group that as of Sunday I would be legally old enough to run for president.

I was quite touched by the outcome. A woman D has been wanting to play with for over a year finally got her chance to spank him. She likes the domestic aspect of spanking so much that she conscripted a few men to move one of the dungeon couches out of the voyeur area and into the play space. So D got a nice OTK spanking, paddling, and strapping by her, me, and three other ladies. During one of the SL demos I did I recieved a nice plastic paddle that turned out to be perfect for a beginning top. I handed it to a nice young lady who happily gave him several swats. She now wants to come up to Phoenix once in a while to spank D and do some other things (more on that below).

When the first lady had to take a shift in the DM chair a second one took over with canes. I think D got 2 hours of attention total and was one very happy boy. Even better, the young lady took it upon herself to get the paddle signed by everyone in the dungeon. It came back with birthday wishes and even a few well wishes for any future presidential campaign I care to run!

Now for the non-spanking part. A word of caution here--if medical play squicks you out you might want to give this second part a miss. I have crossed the line into having a hard core medical play kink in the last year (I think when you can rattle off 5 different ways to sterilize something, can define a bacterial spore and the four parts of the male urethra, and you write Santa for a stove top autoclave you meet the definition of hard core).

The demo was about male urethral sounding. I am not sure how many demos I have done in the past 4 years, but this was by far the most technical and advanced topic I have presented and required the most research. My first task was to convince folks that you can't sterilize stuff by boiling, alcohol, bleach, or baking. My second task was to convince folks that sticking toothbrush handles and other odd objects into that part of the male anatomy is Very Bad. People who have this particular kink from the bottom side seem to like it intensely and I have heard one too many stories that have made me sprout yet another grey hair.

The timing for having to prep for this demo was not the best, but otherwise the whole process was a lot of fun. I have a geeky side that grooves on the science stuff I had to research and present--so the audience got a lot of it. Dunno if it bored them--I don't think it did. This topic always generates all kinds of questions. I veered towards the conservative side (to the point of suggesting sterile gloves and showing folks the proper way to use them--thank goodness for generous nurse mentors). I think though that is the best way to go. The demo bottom was a sounding virgin (a risky thing from a demo production standpoint--more in another post). I noted that after my talk in the first half the only fear he expressed was over how it was going to feel. He loved it--fortunately his dominant has access to an autoclave and works in a tatoo shop so he is in excellent hands. I think more people will be willing to try it after witnessing him.

I then got stopped at the party by a self professed risk and germ adverse submissive who wanted me to sound him. I had to use some short ones as I had used my beginner's sound on sub #1, but he did give it a good try. It turned out not to be his thing but that is quite alright.

The best part of the party though came when I was able to meet a lady that both I and Medical Dom (mostly Medical Dom) have been courting on Collarme. Medical Dom and I have an odd arrangement. I am mildly to moderately masochistic. He is masochistic in a very narrow range. And, we are both heavy tops. So when we play sometimes it starts out with both of us brandishing our metaphorical dinner knives trying to figure out who is going to eat whom. We need a bottom badly.

So anyhow, I met the lady during the demo and D's spanking--and she was keen to try some medical play. She had already established some trust in me after watching me sound 2 sounding virgins and had also been able to play with D and watch our interactions. I watched her bottom to a well known Tucson Top and saw that she did fine, so we found the dungeon gyno table and I did some speculum play on her. It was her first time with this sort of play after years of doctor fantasies. I think it is going to be a long time before I find someone who beats her single scene orgasm record. That scene was very, very sweet. I have made another speculum convert and met a very sweet lady to boot. Hopefully we get to see her in Phoenix soon.

Not a bad birthday at all. :-)

BDSM and the spanking community

This weekend my partner and I went to the Shadowlane spanking convention in Las Vegas. It was my first, and his first in 7 years. I was not sure exactly what to expect, except that I was going to keep my eye on the Romans and try to do as they did. I've spent 5 years in the BDSM community and had enough exposure to the spanking community to know that they generally consider themselves to be a different kettle of fish.

I was correct in my assessment, in a very delightful way. The BDSM community has served me extremely well. It served as a first family of choice. I developed presentation and teaching skills there, discovered I possess more than my fair share of courage, stumbled upon and then learned a set of skills that enables me to take people to some really awesome places, and really had fun for the first time in my life.

But it never *quite* felt like home. I've struggled for the past year trying to put my finger on it. I almost got it when I went to a leather convention in January. But coming into this community finally made it click.

The BDSM community, at least in Phoenix, is dominated by Master/slave couples. Not everyone fits that category for sure, but those in positions of influence do. The majority is also large enough that I find myself fighting subcultural quirks on frequent occasions. Folks look at me, look at D, and immediately conclude he is a slave. They ask him to do stuff. They ask me permission before they hug him. They thank me for allowing them to play with my slave. They impose slave protocol on him during a scene without asking or really hearing him when he says that is a limit. No, it does not happen all of the time--but it does happen often enough. The most irritating thing is that most often comes from people who have known D for *15 years* and have been told by him multiple times that he is not a slave! On a few memorable occasions D (and I) have been told that someday we will grow into M/s--as if The Thing We All Do comes complete with it's own caste system.

I am a fairly advanced player. There seems to be the assumption that since I have a decent number of S/M skills I am also into M/s. I am not.

I can deal with that. I will joke about it or do what I need to in order to make my point and still help folks I otherwise adore save face. But then comes the more subtle aspects of being in a subculture where you are missing one big thing that most of the members of the "inner circles" have.

Having a slave is busy and difficult work. There are groups, blogs, sushi dinners, conferences, books, etc. devoted to the topic. People get together and talk about about it--and close friendships are formed. Where does that leave me?`Well, often trying to relate to people who would love to have a friendship with me, if only they they did not have so many MAst meetings to attend, that Master/slave contest to prepare for, that household function to run off to this weekend... Or the parties, where I ended up mum because I have nothing substantive to say about How Hard It Is To Be A Master.

I'll get to co-top the slaves. Heck, once I ended up in the middle of a ritual bloodletting scene for someone's slave because I had the skills and she did not. But that need, and that bond that forms between people based on a common need, is not there. What is worse is that many folks, at least according to my own somewhat jaundiced view, will take on those roles on the surface to fit in with everyone else. Buy a collar, have a ceremony, and bada bing! You are in!

The differences get even more subtle beyond this point. Because I don't have the same needs as the M/s folks I find myself a bit rattled by the apparent personality changes I see in people who take on those roles. There is a formality, at the minimum, as many Masters attempt to remain Masterly for the benefit of their slaves who perhaps expect that. And of course Goddess knows how many conversations I've had with slaves which were abruptly interrupted because Master needed something--if the slave is allowed to talk at all. I suppose this is to be expected to a large degree--after all these folks need a place to "be themselves" too and for many M/s is most emphatically a core part of their identity.

I've tried to point this out to folks in the community and found that the fish in the water usually can't see that the water exists.

So I made my debut in the spanking community in the form of the Shadowlane party this weekend--and I knew within 4 hours that things were going to be different in a most delightful way. Here were people who appreciate spanking in all of it's flavors and nuances, not just as a "beginners kink" which unfortunately seems to be the view of a decent chunk of the BDSM community. There are DD relationships among people who, from what I could tell, do not have the need to be fashioned into an instrument of service for the Master. Rather they crave structure, rules, and loving attempts to help them become who *they* are meant to become as well as to help them become courteous and effective life partners. I am OK with the desire to serve for the sake of service--but it just is not my kink. There were also some fantastic M/s folks there who knew better than to assume that we shared their kink.

I am already making friends. I have the same needs as these folks, and the same bonding points. What surprises me most is how often I bottomed. For me that is a huge marker of trust and comfort. I also reconnected with my need to discipline others. M/s folks in Phoenix especially go on and on about the spiritual significance of what they do. Well, the same is true for me when I put someone through a particularly intense disciplinary or cathartic scene. The pretenses come down, all action exists only in the Now, and I get to see the core of who that person is. What an honor--and what a bond!

I'll still visit the BDSM community here but I am no longer going to make the mistake of trying to live there. One of my goals in this coming year is to get the Phoenix spanking enthusiasts together. We definitely have a critical mass of awesome people already--time to expand the circle.

OK--end of long-overdue BDSM rant and on to spanking posts in the future.

Now--how the devil do I create a cut???