Some Random stuff from last night.

I think I find cathartic scenes even more fulfilling than punishment ones (and I *really* like punishment ones). So when it happens in the same scene I am one happy camper.

That said, until last night I never really clued into the fact that a cathartic scene really takes the tiger out of me from the top side. I know what they are like for me from the bottom--if I am planning one I try to make sure I don't have to work the next day and that my immediate next activity involves chilling and food. But it was just last night that I realized I need lots of immediate chilling and food from the top side too.

I had promised to play with D after the first scene--so after about an hour of chilling I was sorta ready. I thought it was going to be a short scene--but it turns out using a singletail for me is like playing some sort of video game after a long day. Not completely mindless--rather something that takes up the whole concentration of a small percentage of my mind while allowing the rest of my brain to take a siesta.

Rad has been saying something for awhile that has finally caught up with me as well. I get just a tad *nervous* before a punishment scene. I rely heavily on scolding and on my instinct for saying the right words to trip a switch in someone so they start to actually feel remorse. I also have been developing a skill for playing with real SAMs, so there is always that niggling worry that I might not be able to subdue them. I have to work on getting myself in a "dark" mode beforehand--so by the end of the scene I have burned off all of this built up energy quickly and I feel like an empty vessel. The challenge though, and the nerves, and that slight concern about failure just add to the appeal. I had a skydiving and rock climbing friend once who told me the exact same thing.

Now, note to self. Pack a clean pair of earplugs and the shooter's earmuffs for my next dungeon punishment or cathartic scene. Due to an ongoing comedy of errors we have the weirdest stuff in our dungeon CD player (which holds about 50 of the damned things). People burn CDs, stuff them in there unmarked, and never retrieve them. If I ever get my mitts on whomever put the "William Tell Overture" in there a few months ago.... The wrong music seriously messes with bottom space. Yeah, inteferes with scolding, though there is some appeal in lifting off one half of a muff and yelling at someone.

Play Party

The scene worked well. I won't post much about it for the sake of confidentiality, but it was a punishment scene that morphed into a cathartic scene (I worked in tandem with this person's Dominant/Master and used scolding over real issues to help trigger a catharsis that the person needed). I sometimes end up in the role of "henchman" or "beta Top" for a dominant who is not a strong sadist which is more or less what happened in this case. Given that I am not strongly into D/s or M/s I rather like the role. Someone else can deal with the rules and the service, I can deal out the discipline, and life is good for everyone.

I had another singletail scene with D. I've been practicing my "butterfly kisses" (just getting the string "brush" at the end of the knot to brush the person) and I am getting better at it. Enough repetition apparently gives a person the ability to see things they could not see before--in this case the depth of a stroke on skin in a dark dungeon. On of my mentors suggests putting out a candle in the dark with a singletail for practice--I might try that one of these days.

Play Party Yesterday

D is bellowing at the TV. I am trying to distract myself. Cross posted from my other blog...

Yes, I am a happy camper today. I went to a play party yesterday that turned out very nicely.

I had arranged for one person to play with me who did not know that I play with singletails. He is turning into a dedicated spanking enthusiast (among other things) and has a nice masochistic streak. He told the resident TNG singletail expert of his desire to experience a singletail scene. Said expert was busy and referred him back to me. I had not planned to use any specific implement on his behind so we decided make it a singletail scene.

So I got to pop his cherry. I am developing a love affair with singletails. Any implement that can be as subtle or as fierce as you wish gets high marks from me. That and I have reached the "effortless effort" point with regards to my ability to wield it. I am not sure that the bottom realized such a thing as "light singletail strokes" exist (that other singletail top and I tend to play on the heavy side), but I was able to get him into a sweet la-la land. I stopped short of "enough." There is an "enough" point during a scene that does not necessarily correlate with the "enough" point when one has to sit on it all week sans the assistance of endorphins. Evidently though he was happy with the artwork I left behind and wants to play harder the next time.

Non-spanking half posted in The Islander

A cathartic CP session

I had my first cathartic CP session with D this weekend at the conference.

It started off a bit strange. The conference is held at a large hotel. Attendance has grown so much that we have managed to take over most of the rooms. The conference parties used to be held at APEX, but last year they started to hold them in a ball room due to serious lack of space (I used to pack a set of chopsticks and not much else to play at a SWLC party).

Now, I wanted to cane D. I was all dressed up to cane D with my long black skirt and my blouse with the buttons in the back and the lace panel in the front. We were towards the head of the line waiting for the room to open so we could get a space. As it was we barely snagged the last St. Andrew's cross. As we were setting up we were informed that we were at a singletail only station.

So it was singletails or wait until 1 AM for the crowd to clear up. I had thrown my whip in my bag on a whim, so I decided it was going to be a singletail scene, costuming and prior verbal threats notwithstanding.

Now D has a love/hate relationship with singletails. Basically it is the only toy I own that completely bypasses his leather behind. Using one on him is rather like spanking a virgin derriere with a hairbrush.

So I warmed him up, then started with lighter singletail strokes and worked up to moderate ones, then checked on him. To my surprise the man was sobbing. I asked him how he was doing and he smiled through his tears, managed to look fullfilled and sore at the same time, and stated he was in a very good place.

He has been wanting this a long, long time. Now perhaps he would have chosen a more domestic implement than a singletail had this played out according to fantasy. But no matter. It was clear he wanted to cry and be in that space, so I kept at it for quite a while. Then I gave him a long, long hug as he melted into me like a little kitten. We hugged and touched all the way home and I rocked him to sleep. D has a little boy persona that comes out in a very subtle way. No coloring books or toys strewn about--just a vulnerable sweetness that makes me want to cradle him.

I am not sure I would have chosen several months of unemployment, money issues, and an overcrowded BDSM party as a means to get him to this point. But, however it happened, it was good to finally get him to a place he and I really needed to go.