A quick whine

I *miss* the SL board, dammit.

I am hoping D gets a break soon on employment (he is following some promising leads). I wanna talk to my friends again!

I may end up breaking down and using some of that economic stimulus tax break $ on re-upping my membership. I am sure Tony and Eve can use it right about now.

Multiple Scene Identity Disorder--It Confuses Everyone Except Me ;-)

Now, I don't think I corner the market on being odd or having seemingly "opposite" aspects within my "scene identity". After all I just got through hosting a party with a BDSM Master who loves hunting and guns, yet also likes having painted toenails and wearing high heels whenever possible. However, I seem to have enough different facets that I confuse people. Unfortunately some folks will spend quite a bit of time attempting to get me to name one box I fit into before they realize that effort is futile.

Part of it is that I now have each foot solidly placed in two entirely different scenes. There is the spanking/domestic discipline side which I am now developing apace. While I found what appeared to be a 10-20% overlap between the spanking and BDSM scene at the Shadowlane party, I very much got the idea that the spanking scene is most definitely it's own universe with it's own identity and subculture. Much of the overlap I could describe as being born of necessity--if you don't have a spanking club in your area your next choice is the local BDSM club. D, having tasted the full spanking culture for the first time in his life, is totally hooked. He would not care if he never attended a another BDSM party if it were not for me.

Anyhow, regardless of the differences and similarities between groups of folks, I figured posting this is not a bad idea from the standpoint of letting the both my new spanko friends and my old BDSM friends get to know me better.

So identity # 1 (number one because it is priority #1) is my new identity as a "head of household," or domestic disciplinarian (whatever you want to call it). As time goes on I will research more and learn more about how this particular subculture operates. However, since I've had an attraction to it since age 4 (lol) I've already done a fair amount of research as it is. I see it as a form of domination. I impose rules and structure on D solely for the purpose of making sure he stays healthy, that the household (as small as it is) runs efficiently, and to help him become a more effective life partner. This is a far cry from D/s or M/s as I have observed it. With that, I have found, one often imposes rules that appear somewhat arbitrary, or that reflect some personal desire of the dominant. Most common, I have found, are rules concerning chastity and when one can cum. Journals are common so the Master can more effectively get into the slave's head. Protocol (kneeling, modes of address, how one dresses, how one starts the morning or ends the day with regards to serving the Master's needs, how one is supposed to present oneself when the Master comes home, etc., etc.) is almost always key. As I've said before, rather than simply being encouraged to be a better partner and a healthier, more courteous human being one is also encouraged to be an instrument of service and pleasure for the Master. One is not better than the other--they are just different modes of conducting a relationship. It is a challenge to explain and I am finding it more of a challenge to explain DD to BDSMers than it is to explain M/s to spankos. Yesterday I told a BDSMer about what D and I are doing and she stated she has a load of etiquette books at home she could loan us. Wonderful gesture--and quite unnecessary. Again, there is that emphasis on protocol that we just don't have. I am not looking for a submissive who has the Hilton Dinner Service Manual or Emily Post's writings memorized. I just have a partner who has a punishment kink and who honestly wants help sticking to a few basic rules (rules, btw, that most humans would agree are reasonable and that most humans have tough time sticking to). Disclaimer time--I realize that some DD relationships may have an emphasis on etiquette and protocol. I know this stuff does exist on a continuum.

Identity #2: BDSM sadist. When I say I have various and sundry kinks besides the ones related to spanking and discipline, I *mean* it. Go look me up on Fetlife if you don't believe me (see my blog links). I am listed under WednesdayA. I have an impressive list of Things I Do and I do them whenever I get a chance. That is an entirely different headspace for me. This is Wednesday showing up at a party and having fun. I don't give a dingo's kidney if the bottom submits to me or not. If they want to lick my shoes, swell. If they are going to lick my shoes forever I am going to get bored and start hurting them. D has expanded just a bit into BDSM masochist simply because we hang around so many S/Mers. Last night I needed to go singletail *somebody* and he was a good sport about it (though he is a good sport almost about anything one does to his behind). Anyhow, I don't go into agonizing detail about this part of my identity here because this is primarily a spanking/discipline blog. I have a million local people I can jabber at regarding my activities as a consensual sadist. I have only 3 people locally so far that I can discuss DD and spanking with.

Identity #3: Occasional masochist. This is odd. I like to bottom for the discipline stuff, but not in a discipline context. I also like some limited medical play. I list myself as a top on this blog and at spanking parties at this point because I have run into people with terminal Dom's disease once too many times. Give me a decent sadist or better yet a switch any day. They will have fun with me and not treat me like a submissive later. I *loathe* being treated like a submissive out of scene. It is the quickest way for someone to tick me off. So I tend to guard that part of my identity for a select few Tops who are clueful enough to give me what I need without reading more into it than what is there. I do it for fun, to get high on my own endorphins, and occasionally I do it as a rite of passage or for a catharsis. There are a gazillion female bottoms out there who can write far more eloquently about this than I ever will, so I probably won't post much about this either in any detail, though occasionally I might post about general Stuff I Notice from this perspective.

Identity #4: Mentor/teacher. I love presenting demos and classes. I do them about 3-4 times a year locally. If I get to mentor someone on a new skill my whole night has just been made. I also appreciate good mentors for myself when I find them and I tend to hold them in high esteem.

Identity #5: Aspiring transformative top/ spiritual seeker. This one is still nascent, still very much unformed. Right now it happens unexpectedly. I am having a good time and suddenly my bottom is sobbing. They are sobbing not because I wrapped a cane and hit their nose ;-)--rather they are sobbing because they *need* to go there. Often I have hit an unexpected reservoir of grief. Unexpressed grief is a growth block, so if I can tap it and get them to stay with the feelings awhile I know the person will grow. When this happens the goose bumps come up and I feel like I have been honored and trusted by whatever Source of Wisdom is out there to shepherd this person through this process. I think at some point just about every Top finds themselves here, whether they like it or not.

What has me scratching my head on this now is that we have a strong group of people here in Phoenix who do this *on purpose*. I learned "cathartic flogging" from this group which is part of why I am able to shepherd someone through a cathartic "meltdown" at this point. Problem is, I have not been able to break into this group and learn more. It is probably my fault. This group is extremely M/s oriented. I've been afraid they would be unwilling to mentor the likes of me because I don't do M/s. Soon I just need to test that assumption. There is no reason I can see that this sort of thing has to be reserved for BDSM Masters. Certainly it helps with slave development--but then again I was never required to produce a slave to learn cathartic flogging and it was just as effective. I don't know how many times someone who was not a slave of these folks approached one of them for a ritual or cathartic scene and had a very effective experience.

The other thing I consider though is that doing this requires some sort of spiritual development. I am not a strongly metaphysical and I have doubts I can force my brain to go that way. But, I can see that one has to be anchored into something greater than themselves to do this sort of thing. It can be God, faith in the Universe, Mindfulness, or whatever, but it needs to be something. I have an idea of how to do this and where to go--I just have not done it yet for a variety of reasons. The path I am being called to is difficult and I had a meltdown the last time I attempted it. Then again I don't know of a spiritual path that is not difficult and prone to setbacks. I think too, before I ask for a mentor some sort of practice has to be at least minimally established.

I think I got everything, for now. If I sprout another head at any point you all will be the first to know. Thanks for tuning in.

SL 2008 party report

'Spose I better do this before it becomes old news...

Now, I don't post names. Next year I may ask permission to post a few, but if you were one of the people I bonded with at the party, know that I valued your presence and energy.

This was my first Shadowlane party. I joined the member's area of the SL site a month and a half before the party and started participating on the bulletin board and chats. I taught D how to use a chat room and soon enough he was addicted.

Soon I had made e-mail contact with 2 people and we planned appointments for the party. In the process I got to know them as friends and traded several wonderful messages about spanking and life.

We chose to drive up to LV from Phoenix and rented a car for the purpose. After several delays and issues we were on the road and arrived in Vegas about an hour before the Mexican dinner which had been arranged by one of the other guests.

The Mexican restaurant had seen our crowd last year and took it all in stride, but soon we had 4 packed tables. What started with small talk ended with conversation that probably got the attention of some of the 'nillas. I stuck around until almost everyone had left and got invited to a gathering to listen to Obama's DNC speech. I was expecting more get to know you small talk and perhaps a few liberal/conservative debates, but when we went up there the spankings had already commenced, and it was obvious that Obama's speech was not the center of attention. The kind founders of the American Spanking Society had made their toys available for play, so it was not long before I was swatting D with the meanest paddle they had. Then a fellow came in with some unique loop handled floggers he had made. I asked to see them and he invited me to use them on him. Before I knew it I had a line of guys. I played with them, made my acquaintance with the Party Brat, then proceeded to cane D. with a sweet thick synthetic cane that was also available on the table. All of this public topping lead to my first private scene, and I felt comfortable enough with the fellow that I ended up bottoming as well as topping.

Friday I hit the ground running with one of my scheduled private scenes, and the rest of the day is a bit of a blur. I know I ate some clam chowder, played with goodness knows how many people, went to the newbies dinner, and then went to the vendor's fair. I had vowed not to buy *another* paddle (I am swimming in the darned things) but an Australian lacewood spoon shaped number plaintively cried my name and it ended up going with me. It was so finely made and smooth that I wanted to sit and pet it almost more than I wanted to use it. I bought a few other items, socialized, swatted the other Party Brat with a very large paddle, then ended up in a suite party where I connected with a pair of friends from Phoenix who had just arrived. I was in the door no more than 5 seconds before I got sucked into a role play with this pair regarding toys that had been hidden. D got pulled in, I pulled up a chair, and did not leave it for 3 hours as I got to spank D and several other wonderful bottoms. I gave one person his first taste of leather. The highlight of the evening occurred when someone brought up a couple from the gambling area and introduced them to our group. She turned out to have a hell of an arm and after some questioning I found that she plays tennis. Those transferable skills have served her well.

Saturday AM I blundered downstairs with D, inhaled some McBuffet food, and went upstairs for my second appointment of the weekend. This one turned out swimmingly as I was able to introduce this fellow to a Victorian punishment that he had been wanting to try. The hotel rooms all had large glass windows. We were up on the 9th floor, so I opened the drapes and spanked this fellow in front of Vegas! After this I got invited to a charming 3 couple OTK spanking session with D in another room, then off to demonstrate toys at a midday vendor party. Over the course of the weekend we had several meals with the folks who had invited us to the impromptu spanking session and ended up talking about travel, Canadian deserts, Quebec, and anything else we could think of.

I had scene drop after that so I went to take a nap. Around 6 PM I heard what sounded like a frat party going on next door. Doors were being slammed, people were bellowing, and when D went out to investigate, he told me that a bunch of young people had moved in and were drinking and whooping it up, leaving beer cans in the hall. Worse, a few of them had underaged kids with them. I was not amused and after muttering threats about adding a hazing ceremony to their festivities I tipped off the guard downstairs on my way to the dinner. When I came back 3 hours later it was quiet as a tomb. I was definitely glad nobody saw fit to complain about all of us!

Dinner involved very good company and some spanking. I ended up at a suite party afterwards and a rather heavy bottom who had seen me in action baited me to out do her. Fine. I took out the Canadian Prison strap--the one made from shoe sole leather with holes. She did concede to me in time after a lot of hard swats and even more laughter and jokes. More spanking happened with other wonderful bottoms when we dropped in on another suite party.

Saturday night I watched the Gustav reports with more than a little concern, then snuggled with D in bed.

Sunday was the Bad Boyz party and I was lucky enough to score an invitation to top. I probably played with 7 male brats. The Party Brat finally met his match with my sorority paddle as I gave him several hard strokes. He did quiet down after inviting all the men there to experience what he was experiencing. No, he had no takers. I got to cane again--yay! D had finally been spanked out--he squirmed with only preparatory taps.

Sunday was my comeuppance, plainly. I mostly top. My default mode is cordial, but definitely not submissive. However, some of these folks had really earned my trust. They lacked the oversized egos that I see too often elsewhere and after a weekend of sharing meals and talk with them they ended up melting me. Two of them wanted a crack at me after I had dealt with them earlier in the weekend. They turned out to be wonderful tops and we mutually agreed to seek each other out next party. The third had been wanting to spank me all weekend. He was not a heavy player and after 2 scenes I was far enough into bottom mode that I relented. I usually don't bottom to those who only top, but this fellow turned out to be sensitive and nurturing. I was sore though, so it did not go too far. It was then off to a suite party, where I had the honor of witnessing an incredible cathartic scene involving some friends. We were invited into the aftercare cuddle puddle and all of us nearly ended up in tears as we laid hands on our friend.

Monday I slept as late as I could, then D and I hauled our stuff downstairs. I found out that gamblers really don't give a rip if you haul an IV stand through the hotel. They truly don't. I am not a gambler, so to me that whole scene resembled an immense neon colored experiment in the psychology of intermittent reward. I kept expecting to see the maze and cheese at any second... OK Pot, meet Kettle. But still..

We had a charming dinner at Red Rock with some of our Phoenix friends and one of the folks I had bonded with at both ends of the paddle. Then we reluctantly headed home.

We got stopped by homeland security at Hoover Dam for a random check. The officer saw my IV stand, inquired about it, then got a big twinkling grin on his face after I told him I had used it as a clothes rack to haul clothes (but I *had*!!). He made sure our water jugs just had water in them and moved us on without troubling to fondle the paddles. The other Phoenicians had the brains to go home via Laughlin...

Party drop started by the time we got to Wickenburg. We ended up in a McDonald's with what seemed like half of Phoenix, along with a bunch of teenagers with nuthin' better to do. Urgh!