SL Party Report...

We will see how far I get today:

Thursday:
The drive was nice, though I am not sure I am the long road trip sort. Last year I was able to share the duty with D and an automatic transmission rental car. My financial stars were not so well aligned this year, so I was the sole driver of my stick shift pickup. We arrived at the hotel, unloaded the truck, and promptly ate. After that I started to look for fellow party goers. I was debating with myself already whether to crash in bed or find the party. I got to reconnect with Mr. Shiny a bit after a year and also got to know our delightful room neighbors. After this D, myself, and a couple of other folks went off in search of The SL Thursday Group--or at least a group. It was at this point fatigue proved itself to be the better part of my valor. I was just not up to socializing and felt some funky energy off the group we kept running into, so I excused myself and turned in.

Friday:
I got up with D, got cleaned up, ironed my shirt, curled my hair, ate my breakfast (yes, this dry recitation of my AM routine DOES have a point), and tidied up the room. I then announced my departure. D looked at me with his innocent and genuinely puzzled blue eyes and asked why I was in such a hurry. The man was still in his tighty whities, unfed, unbathed, and watching the news. I debated whether or not to stay while he ate--quiet room breakfasts were supposed to be part of this trip. However, the rambling MSN cable health care debate was now giving me a headache and I wanted to meet some people already. So I excused myself and went to the cafe downstairs.

I ran into a couple of my Phoenix friends who had arrived after I had retired for the night. They had just ordered their breakfast. They asked where D was and without much thought I stated he was "dawdling." The breakfast came and they ate as I sipped coffee. D came down just as they were leaving and appeared genuinely shocked that they were off so soon. We sat and talked to others as the tables simply changed SL hands. I then helped a friend sort out his SL group lunch plans as the restaurant he had intended to use was not going to be open. We then had a delightful lunch with about 25 SLers. The group was growing even as I left for my first session.

It was after this I had my first scene with an LV local. This was a spanking/punishment enema scene and the energy was just as good as it was last year. This fellow does not fly--he just howls (evil giggle). Yeah, I had fun. I am not sure what attracts some bottoms to more punishing scenes (I am not that kind of bottom). However, I am certainly glad such bottoms exist.

I was pretty spent after this so I sacked out for a nap, then got ready for the Vendor's Faire with Dana. I wore an austere black outfit that apparently brought at least one fellow back to his catholic school days. From what I learned some nuns were allowed to ditch the habit in more recent years for something akin to what I wore.

It was here that the party finally caught up with D. Now, my Phoenix friends have (had) this wonderful paddle made of a Hawaiian wood. It met an unfortunate initial demise when it first met D's behind and finally gave up the ghost on the next behind it encountered. What I did not know is that C (one of my Phoenix friends) sent the paddle back to it's maker for "recycling." She recovered enough of the orginal wood to make a smaller piece--then backed it up with a slightly softer wood for greater durability. The resulting paddle has since been dubbed "Gemini." The maker looked at me innocently and told me it was a "heaven and hell" piece as one of the sides *is* made of a softer wood. After seeing it in action I decided that "hell and purgatory" is a more accurate descriptor. This puppy is not gonna break.

"M"--my other Phoenix friend--weilded it with enough of a vengeance to get to my experienced, kevlar upholstered partner and at one point brought him to his knees. Few things truly get to D--but he was rubbing his posterier like a truly chastened little boy after this encounter. Of course M and I spent the rest of the Vendors Faire reminding him that his *real* session was coming up afterwards!!

I attended the switch men vs women party afterwards without much of a thought to D's fate. That event was quite a hoot. Since the women were outnumbered 2 to 1 we got to choose our spankers when we lost a competition and use implements on the losers if we won. I was nice (hey! I can be nice!) since I did not know many of the guys there. Well, mostly nice. Sorta. I did leave the canes alone.

I went in search of D afterwards and eventually found him in our room. Now, like many male bottoms I have met, D has been in search of the elusive cathartic scene for most of his scene life. Apparently, he got it. He was in a *very* chastened place that also happened to orbit the planet Pluto.

I deconstructed it later with the top. Now, remember I had briefly mentioned D's "dawdling" earlier in the day. She used that to scold him, and as the scene progressed whaled on his already tenderized butt with canes. Apparently the "dawdling" scolding hit some deeper places within him and he was able to let go.

This definitely gave me pause. Now, I am quite able to do cathartic scenes, help people release their guilt if that is their desire, and also do punishment scenes *if asked* by the bottom. Where I fall short though is in *creating rules* and then enforcing them. It is not that I can't create rules--it is just that placing another person under *my* authority gives me the squicks. I have enough skeletons and ghosts in my closet regarding authority figures to populate an entire haunted house. Feeling evil in the real (albeit false) sense does not make for good top space.

Yet--I did see how D benefited. He is *not* the sort who is ever going to ask directly for discipline. He does need it though. I talked to M about helping me. In the long term I am not sure if I can get past this block myself, or if I am going to have to send D to someone else on occasion to give him what he needs. M, fortunately, is someone who I trust enough to go either way with.

I will say though that D did not dawdle for the rest of the trip--and I did not have to book a separate room to avoid non-stop news related headaches.

More later...

Back From Vegas

I will write some party reports when I feel less tired and dizzy. Went over the damn Dam which cut at least an hour off the return trip but it was still bloody long. I ended up staying an unexpected extra day which was rather nice.

More later...

No, I did not remove your website from my links on purpose

Sigh.

EDIT: Rebuilt it. If I left off yours and I had it on there before, please comment.

The Islander

I finally remembered my durned password, which means I was able to update that blog.

Transferable skills

One of my coworkers refuses to go to the doctor. She has had the same cold for days and we work with some folks who don't have the greatest hygiene or greatest immune systems.

So today I had enough. I went to her, looked her over in a stern way, and said "You are going to see the doctor, yes?" I provided a brief explanation why I thought this behavior might be desirable.

*pause*

"Can I wait until after work?"

I was floored--she had shrugged off everyone else who had made the same suggestion. Finally I asked her what it was about my approach that actually got her to commit to seeing the doctor.

She winced a bit and said: "Well, you told me your concerns--but mostly it is that scary mother look you get. You looked like you are going to spank me!"

No, this person has no clue. I swear!

Apparently this stuff we do starts to show after a while.

Ranting about Bad Doms

*sigh*

I've seen and heard a *lot* recently so if you think this is directed at you--it is probably not.

A lot of us run around with very, very dark fantasies. We want to be owned, dominated, disregarded, punished intensely, used as an object, treated in an arbitrary way, interrogated cruelly, depersonalized, tortured--you get the idea. Or maybe we are on the other side of such fantasies.

This is no reason to let down your guard. Real predators are out there. You don't want them. No, really, you don't. Really. I don't care how desperately much you want to be treated as the mere muddy carpet remnant your Master Treads Upon. You Don't Want A Predator!

Red flag time, folks. Now the presence of these in any individual does not automatically make them a Creep. But if you see a bunch of them--just dig a bit deeper. Slow down. Get references.

1. Does the person seem to be "bigger than life" or "extraordinary"? How about extraordinarily charming?

2. Do you find yourself sharing things with this person almost immediately that you would take weeks or months to share with any other mere mortal?

3. Do you find yourself allowing them liberties that you would not allow most people?

4. Do they present themselves as being extraordinarily intelligent--and flaunting it? Dig deeper. Check out their facts. Hell, check out their *grammar*. Yeah, occasionally I've run into an arrogant genius. More frequently I run into arrogant posers who sprinkle their conversation with a bunch of big words. Often these words are mis-used. I avoid these folks on principle.

5. Are they vague about their past? Do they claim that they have done extraordinary things, but are skimpy on details when you press them?

6. Do they avoid the community? Do they have any friends? Have you seen their friends? Do they go on and on about how inferior the "community" or "society" is?

7. Do they think there is no such thing as "hard limits?" Do they believe you should have no limits? Do they consider your limits an imposition on their Grand Domliness? Hey--I am all for consensual limit pushing, if done skillfully. There has to be some respect and care though, regardless of the intensity of the role that is played.

8. Do they ever acknowledge or apologize for mistakes--to anyone? What is the quality of their apology? Small and forced if cornered--or appropriate?

9. Do they ever self disclose? Do they ever indicate they have feet of clay like the rest of us?

10. Do they continually say they are not some sort of creep or are not engaging in some sort of Annoying Behavior? We all will say things occasionally like "I don't mean to dominate the conversation," especially if we know we have that tendency. In conscientious folks this statement will be accompanied by an honest, if imperfect, attempt not to do that thing. Some folks will use such statements as a cover though. If someone says "I don't mean to dominate the conversation" and they *always* do, start looking for other similar examples.

11. Do they find ways to isolate you? Do you find yourself, for whatever reason, spending much less time with old friends? Certainly any relationship takes up time--but keeping your friends and ties are your best defense. You need the reality check. There are lots of tricks a person can use to isolate someone. They don't have to be as overt as "you can't see so and so anymore." Generally they won't be that overt--you will just find yourself becoming more and more isolated.

13. Do they switch frequently from mean to nice--always with an excuse for the mean? We all do this on occasion, though generally with an apology and a reason. Daily switches though are too much. Excuses with no apology are, well, inexcusable.

14. Do you think you are "wrong" all of the time? Are you starting to feel "crazy" or "bad"? If you weren't crazy, bad, or perpetually wrong before, you probably are not now. Some people have a nifty way of dumping their crazy on others and then denying anything to do with it.

15. Does the person appear to fill some longing need in you? Do they seem perfect for you in every way? If it seems too good to be true....

16. Oh, and the last one for today. Do they act impatient or defensive when you ask to slow down and check references? Do they hint that theirs is an offer you must accept *now* or lose forever? Don't fall for the used car salesman routine. No inspection, no sale.

There is a difference between a predator and a responsible Dom with an objectification, degradation, humiliation, punishment, or total power exchange fetish. The latter possesses a conscience. They will give you a great ride, but will not want to break their toy. The former....may just not want to get caught in the event they do break their toy.

And yes, these items apply to subs as well.


Not an inclusive list, but I am done for the day. I feel much better now. /Rant

Another victim of the economy :-(

Fetish Alive, a local fetish consignment store/dungeon, is closing July 31st. This is the place that has hosted a couple of our open invitation Sun Valley Spankos parties. I just feel crappy for the owners right now. I also feel crappy for many of the regular presenters who never really got a hearing elsewhere (including a foot fetishist who happens to be a class guy).

This sux.

:-(