Now, play nice....

So once in a while I get into a conversation with a bottom or a switch who informs me he or she does not like a whole class of CP toys. Generally the toys in question are canes, though once in a while I will hear someone say the don't like leather.

So I ask questions. Stuff like "when did you try this last? What happened? How was it used?"

Often I get the response that it was used once, or a very few number of times, the top just swung it at them, and it was a Bad Pain. Occasionally someone tells me it was used for a consensual punishment scene--which then prompts me to explain how sensual scenes differ from punishment ones.

If my friendship with the person is close enough I will encourage them to try again--same toy, different technique. Find a top who can make it play nice.

When I was starting in BDSM I had a mentor who told me that all toys could be made to play nice. To prove his point he took out a chain mail singletail. Now, this thing did not actually act like a leather singletail as the tip was incapable of going Mach 1 and you did not want to throw it that way anyhow unless you were trying to chase a rhinoceros off of your property. Basically this toy consisted of a double row of chain mail, linked together to form a single 3 ft tail, with tapering links at the end. It was attached to what looked like half of a nunchuck. He called his slave up, used it on her without warm up, and she giggled while her back developed slightly pink stripes. So I asked to have it used on me. He threw it in a continuous circle, and grazed my back with the tip, moving in gradually as he assessed my tolerance. It was thuddy, but not what I w0uld call painful.

So I explain to the bottom what playing nice is. A cane is a potentially fierce implement of punishment and can cause more damage faster than any other traditional CP implement. And yet, starting with light percussion and slowly working the endorphins up with gradually harder strokes, then interspersing more impressive strokes with lots of rubbing and loving it in can take a person to a very nice place. The sensation of a cane stroke goes through the entire body--but that sensation is wonderful if it is kept just below the ouch threshold and accompanied by lots of lovely endorphins. One of the first scenes I witnessed involved caning. The intensity was gradually increased over about 45 minutes. The top was being patient--he had taken a seat and was taking his time. The bottom had a lovely bruised behind, and was orgasming strongly. When I asked her about it later she said she felt very little of it as actual pain.

Some toys take more skill to make play nice than others. Once someone told me he did not like leather because he got hit with a belt and did not like the intensity of it. Dress belts are clumsy, awkward, and can twist and then hit on the side. They tend to be thin and can pack a mean punch. It is possible to make them play nice, after a lot of practice. I did not get a chance to tell this fellow to try a flat, short strap before condemning all leather.

Now, if someone says that a toy creates a sensation that does not do much for them, or they find irritating rather than erotic, then I take them at their word. I've tried violet wands at high intensity, low intensity, with lots of different attachments, whatever, and I just find the sensation irritating. So now I just top with it, and avoid the damned metal bed frame if I've placed the contact point on me.